Saturday, September 19, 2015

Lazytalk, Hanging brains, Hanging heads

"May in Ayemenem is a hot brooding month" So is June and July for me at home, near the waves and the monsoon. Thanks to my joblessness. I wish for everyone to be jobless and free. Employment is a scam and a euphemism for slavery. But if that is the only way to livelihood, who do we blame? I blame the powerful, how inhuman!

The guilt of inaction while brooding away seeps in deep, to a spot where I cannot differentiate between leisure and boredom and the arbitrary suffering. Mad people I think. Stupid people I think. Don't they see? But I'm not the one to tell them, to try to show them, see see. I say, sometimes. But I'm too lazy to talk about it now. I'm as lazy as a leaf in a breezeless summer. I let it be. I believe too little in my own self. Who am I anyway? I would often think of disappearing into a background where no one notices me. Please do not. It's fine.

I drown in guilt but I am lazy and I'm guilty that I can afford to be lazy. I can live silently in the background and die one day hoping no one registers either my absence or presence. But if only, right? That never happens. Too many memories created already. It's only in my own head that I suspend my own self to disappear. To identify with the air or the leaf or the grain of sand that is always around but will never be noticed. Can I be like that? Like, I don't interfere or do anything. Like, I have no aims or plans. I'm just there, as well be dead. There's not even an I. As I could be as many things as there are in the background.

This is babble. This is cowardly lazier too the worse. Who fancies words and blabber blah but is too lazy. A coward who can see, is aware of her cowardice, who resigns and dreams of complete disappearance. Who likes the monotony of the ceiling fan. Why the ceiling fan, no, that's too much, just a hand fan, which we used during power cuts when I was a child. The dull monotony of just staring into nothing, when meanings were not formed, ambiguity was a fact of life. She loves it, wants to blend into it. It is monotonous, yet familiar, comforting and passive. What is the need for anything else. But the paradox is I have no interest in preaching this. Please suit yourself, just let me be. Too comfortable in my own shell.

And anyway, lazy people are harmless, no? They're too lazy to harm. Sometimes, disillusion with all ideologies brings me to find solace in laziness, fiction and random reflections of words in my head. At the root of everything, is complete arbitrariness. There's no real reason or cause for suffering or happiness, it is built upon arbitrariness piled on arbitrariness, maybe that's what Camus calls absurdity. From whatever I have read, there is no root or origin of any phenomenon, good or bad, it is created and believed in and forgotten and it goes around. I will come back to hate my own cowardice and say, you bloody hypocrite, you, but you have your own history, on which your life is pitched, you cannot just find solace in all this root talk! Okay, lets wait. It's not the end. I have lived a quarter century of a useless life, already. Come on, I didn't choose to be born, you see. This life, this world and its problems are my forced inheritance. I would be happy to die if it was an effortless death.

There are other deaths, there are deaths where a stranger hangs another stranger and gives death. I wonder, how can one do this as a job. Of course, I'm too privileged, and with guilt, to sit in judgment over anyone. But what a world, where you can pay for someone to kill a complete stranger as a daily job. And not just the one who is at the end of the act. A whole institution, a whole country, actively or passively supports it or resents it to no consequence but to kill. I'm not too big to oppose nor am I too tiny to disappear or be dead. I'm alive in this whatever space I occupy and I have the guilt of privilege that I have not given up. I seek solidarity, I wait, it's neither an end, nor a beginning, it is a passage, that I would cross as time leads me on, to resolve the web of meanings that have been constructed. It is our knowledge of history, one version or the other, that makes us ideological, as I define and am defined by my own.

Monday, March 9, 2015

"Happy" WoMen's Day!

9:30PM, Mar 8 - M1:

9:34PM, Mar 8 - M2: Kya hai be M1 pagal hogaya hai kya bey
9:34PM, Mar 8 - M2: :D :D :D
9:35PM, Mar 8 - M2: Or is it how the country1 porn works :P :P
9:38PM, Mar 8 - M1: Jaago grahak jaago
9:39PM, Mar 8 - W: Jaago
9:39PM, Mar 8 - W: M2 jaago
9:42PM, Mar 8 - M1: M2, equality to men and women means no more special treatment to women required. You don't have to work hard for finding dates 😉
9:43PM, Mar 8 - W: special treatment for women, you mean rape?
9:44PM, Mar 8 - W: Or porn?
9:49PM, Mar 8 - M2: See what have you done M1
9:49PM, Mar 8 - M2: You just gave her ammunition
9:49PM, Mar 8 - M2: :D :D
9:50PM, Mar 8 - W: M2 turned feminist kya.
9:53PM, Mar 8 - M1: W, chill. There are some who want are brainwashed from the centuries of patriarchal mindset who feel women need protection and treated like princesses/dolls etc. Men and women are at fault for this
9:54PM, Mar 8 - W: But what is the special treatment?
9:56PM, Mar 8 - M1: It is a big essay. If I say it in a sentence, I'll be misconstrued or blamed for something else altogether
9:56PM, Mar 8 - M1: :P
9:58PM, Mar 8 - M2: Now it makes sense
9:59PM, Mar 8 - W: M2 ji you were talking about country1 porn
10:02PM, Mar 8 - M2: He he :D:D you are interested Tho M1 can send you some I suppose
10:04PM, Mar 8 - W: Ya, happy women's day to you all feminists. Enjoy porn.
10:05PM, Mar 8 - M2: Come on now that's racist coment
10:05PM, Mar 8 - M2: Porn is for everyone
10:05PM, Mar 8 - M2: :D :D
10:06PM, Mar 8 - W: Ya for everyone, for all rapists, perverts and male chauvinist pigs. I guess that covers everyone
10:06PM, Mar 8 - M2: :D :D :D
10:06PM, Mar 8 - M2: Am not going to fight you on auspicious day
10:07PM, Mar 8 - M2: But yes it's for all
10:07PM, Mar 8 - W: Ya go watch porn
10:07PM, Mar 8 - M1: In the country you two reside, some forms of porn are watched by women as well
10:07PM, Mar 8 - M1: It's in the statistics
10:07PM, Mar 8 - M1: :P
10:08PM, Mar 8 - W: That makes perfect sense. Porn should be made legal I guess. You should fight for it on facebook
10:09PM, Mar 8 - W: Why share women's empowerment and all.
10:10PM, Mar 8 - M2: :D :D :D M1 tere liye hai
10:10PM, Mar 8 - M2: Counter that
10:10PM, Mar 8 - W: M2 you too.
10:14PM, Mar 8 - M1: Haha, I'm not saying it's good or bad.
10:14PM, Mar 8 - M2: I never shared any myself
10:14PM, Mar 8 - M2: :D :D
10:14PM, Mar 8 - M2: Am devoid of those things
10:14PM, Mar 8 - M1: People just watch it, so an industry grew out of it
10:15PM, Mar 8 - M1: Haha
10:29PM, Mar 8 - W: Ya its very funny. Wow. Porn industry. And there are so many rapists. We should encourage porn. More porn is good. Maybe girls should also watch porn and learn.
10:30PM, Mar 8 - W: And ya porn is not good or bad. Rape is also not good or bad. Girls are misunderstanding it
10:30PM, Mar 8 - M1: :o :o
10:30PM, Mar 8 - M1: :o :o
10:30PM, Mar 8 - M1: W, what are you talking?
10:31PM, Mar 8 - M1: Watch Don Jon once
10:31PM, Mar 8 - W: Why. I should just watch porn I guess
10:32PM, Mar 8 - M1: No no, I am serious. That movie clearly shows why porn is bad
10:32PM, Mar 8 - W: But you think it's good
10:32PM, Mar 8 - W: M2 thinks it’s awesome
10:33PM, Mar 8 - W: Even girls watch it. You were saying no?
10:33PM, Mar 8 - M1: I am saying even girls are watching it, so that's even more dangerous for the society dude
10:34PM, Mar 8 - M1: Look at the way society is headed
10:34PM, Mar 8 - M1: Unrealistic expectations and
10:34PM, Mar 8 - W: Yes. It's dangerous.  Girls can’t watch it. It's men's birthright to watch porn, to rape. It's only natural
10:34PM, Mar 8 - M1: Lol! :o
10:35PM, Mar 8 - M1: Are you okay?
10:35PM, Mar 8 - M1: I think we both are on same side on this.
10:35PM, Mar 8 - W: Yes. Absolutely.  We should celebrate porn more openly
10:35PM, Mar 8 - W: Why don’t we do that right?
10:36PM, Mar 8 - M1: Nope. We shouldn't. Lot of molestation and rapes in are because of the porn industry
10:36PM, Mar 8 - M1: Direct correlation has been established
10:36PM, Mar 8 - W: But you and M2 were just saying how funny it is
10:36PM, Mar 8 - M1: And FYI country2 has more reported cases than country3.
10:37PM, Mar 8 - M1: And authorities don't take it seriously there as well
10:37PM, Mar 8 - W: Who cares where it is more
10:37PM, Mar 8 - W: Did I say country2 or country3?
10:38PM, Mar 8 - M1: All your undirected aggression is for naught if nothing comes out of it. I am as much pissed as you are. And I have been pissed since long before all this came out in the media with nirbhaya and India's daughter
10:39PM, Mar 8 - W: Ya, sure, but we still worry about special treatment for women and find porn so funny
10:39PM, Mar 8 - M1: I know the only way to counter this is to educate people in schools, meetings, gatherings etc consistently
10:40PM, Mar 8 - M1: We were making a pun okay!
10:40PM, Mar 8 - W: Ya it's very funny really. Pun on porn
10:40PM, Mar 8 - M1: Women shouldn't be treated specially. They should be treated equally. No less, no more.
10:41PM, Mar 8 - M1: All these years of trying to 'save women', 'protect women' is the same crooked psychology as the ones on the other side
10:41PM, Mar 8 - M1: Nobody has a right!
10:41PM, Mar 8 - W: Ya that's what.  They've been given too much special treatment. Rape, eve teasing, domestic violence, sexual harassment, funny porn
10:42PM, Mar 8 - M1: And what about the objectifying women in film n entertainment industry
10:42PM, Mar 8 - W: Ya that too
10:42PM, Mar 8 - W: Too much special treatment.  Women just love it
10:43PM, Mar 8 - W: And they think it's so much fun
10:43PM, Mar 8 - W: They feel so special
10:44PM, Mar 8 - M1: FYI in some places in country3 indoctrinated women stop other women from liberating something
10:44PM, Mar 8 - W: Ya women are women's enemies.  Men should protect them like they’ve always been doing
10:44PM, Mar 8 - M1: It is an institutional problem
10:45PM, Mar 8 - W: Women will start raping women too
10:45PM, Mar 8 - W: Maybe it's already happening
10:45PM, Mar 8 - W: Who knows?
10:45PM, Mar 8 - W: Men should tell us
10:46PM, Mar 8 - M1: If you are as brainwashed as the rest of em. I'm out! No point talking. I'm not gonna take this shit that all men are assholes and we are all the same
10:46PM, Mar 8 - W: Yes. Of course. Women are all assholes. Men have only been trying to save them all the while but they never understood
10:47PM, Mar 8 - W: It's not men or women. It's patriarchy which is in outer space. Women rape women as much as men do
10:48PM, Mar 8 - M1: Temme one thing, have any of us treated anybody the way you portray all men as?
10:48PM, Mar 8 - M1: If no, then stop blaming all men for what a few do
10:50PM, Mar 8 - W: No, all men aren't.  We should only look at the good men and be thankful that they aren’t giving us special treatment like rape etc. We are too negative when we only look at these other men who treat women specially
10:50PM, Mar 8 - W: Let’s only talk about good men
10:50PM, Mar 8 - W: They’re so good.  They don’t rape
10:50PM, Mar 8 - W: Wow
10:51PM, Mar 8 - W: Let’s not talk about rape itself or any other special treatment.  Let’s just be happy there are good men
10:52PM, Mar 8 - M1: Thank you W. Why don't you join a group of like-minded people and go on a killing spree. That way all men will be dead and you can finally be happy
10:52PM, Mar 8 - W: On women's day, that's what we should do. Thank all the good men who haven’t raped yet. They haven’t exercised their fundamental right yet. Such sacrifice
10:53PM, Mar 8 - M1: Are you alright? Fundamental right?
10:54PM, Mar 8 - W: Ya, I'm a terrorist. I'm only thinking bad of good men
10:54PM, Mar 8 - W: I can't see their goodness
10:54PM, Mar 8 - W: Too blind
10:54PM, Mar 8 - M1: Great!
10:54PM, Mar 8 - M1: Let’s see if you are gonna do something about it, or just rant on , like the rest of them
10:55PM, Mar 8 - M1: Good luck to you
10:55PM, Mar 8 - M1: If you have a problem, work towards solving it
10:55PM, Mar 8 - M1: I am definitely gonna work towards it. I intend to
10:55PM, Mar 8 - W: And good men can do their duty by saying, “look, we didn't rape, okay? You get raped by other men. It's not our fault. Stop blaming all men. Blame women.”
10:56PM, Mar 8 - W: Ya all I do is rant
10:56PM, Mar 8 - W: I’m so jobless. I don’t get what’s funny about porn or special treatment towards women
10:56PM, Mar 8 - W: I must be crazy
10:57PM, Mar 8 - W: Maybe I should see a psychiatrist
10:58PM, Mar 8 - M1: I apologize on behalf of M2 and I. 'We men' are insensitive patriarchal bastards who don't know better, and only make 'small' mistakes. We were brought up in you know
10:58PM, Mar 8 - M1: We really feel sorry for all that
10:59PM, Mar 8 - W: But no, you are not. You only joke about porn and think it's all because women are given special treatment.  You can’t be accused of patriarchy
11:01PM, Mar 8 - M1: :o What I am saying about special treatment and what you are implying are totally different things
11:02PM, Mar 8 - M1: I'm for no treatment of any kind. Special or special. Women have same rights as men
11:02PM, Mar 8 - M1: And it is time they claim it!
11:02PM, Mar 8 - M1: That's all I'm saying
11:03PM, Mar 8 - M1: Nobody to take, nobody to give
11:03PM, Mar 8 - M1: It is to be claimed
11:03PM, Mar 8 - W: Ya since I'm a woman I don't get it I guess. I'm so ungrateful that I didn't realize that I’ve always been given such treatment
11:03PM, Mar 8 - M1: 

11:04PM, Mar 8 - M1: This way!
11:04PM, Mar 8 - W: Ya women didn't realise it enough to claim it.  They thought they were unequal all the while. So men just harassed them to remind them that they should claim it
11:05PM, Mar 8 - M1:
11:05PM, Mar 8 - W: Women are so lazy. It's all their fault. They have no unity
11:05PM, Mar 8 - W: We should all go to Iceland
11:05PM, Mar 8 - W: And learn how to claim our rights
11:06PM, Mar 8 - M1: Please educate on what should be done then. Cos whatever I say is wrong cos I am a man right. So I humbly request you to enlighten me in this
11:06PM, Mar 8 - W: Porn is not funny
11:07PM, Mar 8 - W: And women haven't got any special treatment other than harassment
11:08PM, Mar 8 - W: I don’t understand why men get defensive rather than accepting this
11:09PM, Mar 8 - M1: Neither is the law in which many men have been brutally criminalized cos some of draconian laws
11:10PM, Mar 8 - W: Protective laws are there for women as protection against patriarchy. Every law is misused. That doesn't mean we get rid of all laws, right?
11:12PM, Mar 8 - M1: What about the city1 girls issue
11:13PM, Mar 8 - M1: I am sure you know how law is misused
11:13PM, Mar 8 - W: And it amazes me that men still choose to get defensive about men rather than have any solidarity with women
11:13PM, Mar 8 - M1: Without proper procedures
11:13PM, Mar 8 - M1: For the record I have no solidarity with anyone
11:14PM, Mar 8 - M1: I prefer laws being swift and just
11:14PM, Mar 8 - W: Yes it is misused. Which law isn’t misused?
11:14PM, Mar 8 - W: So which law is so perfectly implemented? Please educate me
11:15PM, Mar 8 - W: Yes, if you have no solidarity, no need to talk about women
11:15PM, Mar 8 –M3: Kya subah subah itna sab padha diya. Jao sojao sab.
11:16PM, Mar 8 - M1: Sorry M3
11:16PM, Mar 8 - W: M3, you go sleep. Mute your phone. Sorry for the disturbance
11:16PM, Mar 8 – M3: Chill maro sab. Sunday night ha tum logo ka :D
11:18PM, Mar 8 - M2: He he super M3 to the rescue