Monday, June 10, 2013

Eluding gender

Whole vocabularies of words failed me.
No, I can't associate the words delicate or slender or slim with myself
Pretty, neat, gentle, feminine are not for me either
Nor do I have any sharp features
Nor do I sound like a nightingale when I speak. I've never heard one anyways.
Nor do I walk like a swan. It always took such a great effort to lift my feet away from the earth, what with all the gravity.
Nor do I have hair that falls straight behind me. It has always been a wild growth. No, not beautiful curls. It would be broken in places and curl up for support, like wild creepers. It's not jet black either.
I do not eat like a bird. I more often than not eat till I blurp and till my stomach bulges a little.
I do have hair in all the places where it grows naturally and I do not feel the need to shave it away or shape it into thin lines. I'd feel henpecked if I had to shave it all away. I mean, seriously, it doesn't feel all that great to remove all the hair and what with all the itching. Aren't girls supposed to itch either?
Many a times, I have felt a compulsive urge to scratch myself in a public space but had to suppress it while males around me would scratch themselves anywhere and everywhere without the slightest hesitation. Seeing them, I felt a confused mix of emotions of disgust and envy.
My nails never grew into those smooth perfectly curving shapes that can be painted nor were my fingers ever so thin and long to go with painted nails. I have used my teeth most efficiently to cut the calcium. And as we can expect from such efficiency, they were never cut so perfectly to not let any dirt enter.
I could never walk wearing those heels or even the thin sandals meant for "girls". My feet could only be accommodated in the largest sized floaters available in the shoe shops, some times the size available only for males. Well, I did try sandals but it is just so uncomfortable to walk around in them.
I would often sweat and stink while I did, living in a coastal area. I never for all my life that I knew, smelt like any flower that I've known unlike the ladies who always smelt like flowers in all those books.
I have pimples in most seasons. I can't apply those talcum powders without feeling whitewashed or even those creams without feeling painted with a thick layer of wall paint, whatever colour they come in.
My skin was never a uniform colour with the sun angrily reacting with it most of the year.
I thought it was only obvious for me to prefer loose clothes in such a weather but they are supposedly meant only for the older generation.
I don't feel the need to bathe every single day, except in real hot summers if I'm dripping with sweat. It makes more sense to me to bathe before sleeping rather than first thing in the morning when we would anyway be going out to sweat it out, while we are pressed for time in the morning with so many things to do like sipping the coffee or having a good breakfast. Doesn't it seem like too much self-importance to waste so much water on oneself for the ritual value of it by bathing every single day? Such a waste! Whatever happened to our concern to Save Water!


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