Saturday, January 23, 2010


I never really followed any plan in my entire life till now. I only always thought planning was a good thing. Even those few times I planned, I didn't stick to my plan for long. All that has worked for me was through my impulses. I still try to plan but my mind is extremely unstable. I do one thing now, and then, something else catches my attention, I jump there. I keep jumping. One of my favourite teachers once told in a class that human civilization is just a couple of thousands years old. Whereas, the animal nature of man belonged to humans for much longer a period before civilization happened. I'm tempted to use this theory to justify my attitude. But evolution is happening all the time. It's happening now. We keep trying to find explanations, make sense of things, find some pattern that explains everything. There's no single explanation. It's full of permutations and combinations. All natural processes tend to proceed towards higher entropy, a higher disordered state. The one which can occur in the maximum no. of ways is the most stable state. Still, we try. We are a part of it. We all try to contribute to the disorder in some way. We all belong here. I try, following my impulses. Others have their own ways. We smell, we hear, we think. We follow our senses and move. If we observe keenly, it's all so random. But if we look at parts, some of them look perfect. And then, we have these ideologies. Ideologies are made with assumptions to work in specific conditions. In reality, we may or may not get all the assumptions right and the specific conditions might vary. So should we dump the ideologies? We need some direction to move. And when there are too many things, we pick and choose. Our minds cannot think randomly. They aren't made like that. The favourite teacher of mine told one more theory. We can't stand uncertainty. With uncertainty, come confusion, fear and other such emotions. Hence, we have good and bad, right and left, yes and no. And how could I forget, God and Evil. But aren't we evolving?

Friday, January 22, 2010


I look at myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth. I admire my face. My head lightly balding at the front, my thinning hair, my wide forehead, moderately hairy uneven brows, my small eyes melting within themselves, I bring to them a voluntary glow to see how they look and then, a normal dull look. My cheeks, with pinched pimples, look dark due to the pain from my pinching attacks, their complaining marks left behind maybe to disappear later. My nose, with tiny heads on either side, reflects light at its tip over the mirror. My nostrils, two dark caves, I can only feel with my thinner fingers but never see within. Deep passages lie there hiding from me inside me. Light hair, just under that groove under my nose, shows itself only to keen eyes. My lips with the foam of toothpaste all over, manage it from trickling down further, balancing it on the lips and the chin. If not for the water and the toothpaste foam, they would’ve looked dried up, with freshly ripped skin at spots, thanks to my restless teeth, they look a non-uniform brownish, blackish and pinkish red. An abrupt curve turns inside and then out, shaping my chin with a small partition, like an afterthought, at its bottom. Maybe, the original plan was to have two of those too, but later seemed unnecessary. My ears, small, carry two white orbs, just seeming fit for them, not burdening them too much. They are matching-matching with my eyes, that’s the best part. End of Face